Naked
by LenaGuffi
Summary: After watching the last episode and that adorable NESS bedroom scene, and a naked Nick... I couldn't help it, I needed to write something. Thanks to Mayalala for correcting my mistakes and being generally an amazing person.


He stops at the threshold of his bedroom looking at the pretty girl in his bed - all brown locks, white skin and blinding smile - and somehow his ugly room is suddenly a picture of perfection.

They've spent a lot of time together since their return from Mexico. Mostly naked. No clothes on. And they do it. A lot. Day and night. Like a pair of horny teenagers. They do it practically every chance they get..

And the thing he notices is that she likes him naked. She's really into it. When things get hot and heavy between them, he loses every single piece of clothing in a matter of seconds. Sometimes she just rips the clothes off of him, with determination and a sense of purpose, almost like she is on a mission - to get rid of anything that covers his body. She really likes it. His body on display, exposed. Vulnerable. Available. Ready to be used for her pleasure. He likes it too. It turns him on. Every single time - the moment his pants hit the ground, he's already hard like a rock. She smirks smugly noticing his hard-on, and the look she gives him, with her teacher glasses still on - jubilant, wanton - makes him want to do things to her. Bad things. Like fucking. Which he does. And then they lay in bed for hours talking and laughing and occasionally making out, and he can't get enough - of her, of all this.

He knows she enjoys it as well. She is easy to read, when she is happy - she likes to show it too, indulging him, spoiling him with her treats - kitchen and otherwise - enveloping him in her glow, making him forget how life generally sucks, how he used to hate things, and how he is bound to eventually fuck this all up.

She is weirdly fond of sharing his nakedness with their friends.. Letting him go butt naked around the apartment. Letting Cece join them for girl talks, while he lays naked in her bed. Making him jump out of bed and run in his birhtday suit to get her whatever it is she demands - a towel, a glass of water: "I'm so thirsty from all the sex.. no don't bother. No one is home, no, don't put your pants on; just go."

Of course guys are there in the kitchen. Winston is too busy fondling Ferguson to even notice Nick's state of undress. But Schmidt notices. He finally _finally_ gets to see Nick's junk.. He gets to see it a lot. And of course , he hates it.

_"I'm so done with your penis, Nicholas, I'm done with it. I wish I'd never seen it at all!" _

_"Are you a male prostitute, Nick, walking around naked? It's disgusting!" _

_"Oh my, God, Nicholas, go put some pants on, this is not a public slut house and you are not that good looking. More like an ugly chubby hairy homeless old man!" _

_"What about the diet I advised you to do? Your body fat is spreading. Fast. You are this close to having man boobs. Eventually you are going to turn into me ten years ago."_

_"You were much nicer ten years ago". Nick_ shrugs. Somehow it doesn't bother him. Somehow he doesn't boil with rage at Schmidt's bitter rants any more.

Instead he mentally pictures Jess in the kitchen, feeding him her famous red velvet cupcakes. _"You gonna get me so fat, Jessica with your amazing desserts.."_ he moans with a mouth full of sweet vanilla flavor with a hint of rum liqueur she adds especially for him. She wipes a smidge of whipped cream off the corner of his mouth with her forefinger. _"I like you chubby and soft, my Teddy Bear"._ She whispers and caresses his scruffy cheek with her smooth warm palm. He leans into her caress and they end up having sex on the kitchen table.

"And what happened to you, Nick?" Schmidt demands, interrupting Nick's pleasant thoughts, moving really close, too close for his liking. "You used to be a grumpy, miserable old man, who would not let his best friend see his penis. You were a manly man, Nick, you were tough, I respected you, and now, you are walking around waving your penis at everyone like a freaking flag! You used to loath yourself and your body, and suddenly you are all liberated and a freaking sex guru: _"I am Nick miller and I sexually satisfied my girlfriend seven times today!"_

Nick's eyes go wide: "Did you...?"

"Yes! I counted! Because you didn't give me a choice! You are so freaking loud all the time!" Schmidt yells as his whole body convulses uncontrollably.

"Nick, where are you?" It's Jess calling from his bedroom, and his heart swells, while Schmidt smirks darkly.

"Your girlfriend is calling, go there, make her happy for the _eighth_ time," he says in a weird emotionless cracked voice.

And Nick gets it, he feels the other man's pain, knows exactly where the hostility and rage are coming from.

"It's gonna be fine, Schmity. You are gonna find your girl. When the time is right." He says, gently petting his friend on the shoulder. "I did"

He smiles, inwardly freaking out at his own words, as Schmidt looks at him with damp eyes and sad pout.

"I'm so lonely..." He weeps. "So lonely..."

"You've got all of us - me, Winston, Jess. We will be there for you, Schmidt. Listen, I have to go now, probably, to have more hot sex with my girlfriend, but we'll talk later, preferably, when I'm wearing pants, it's too weird right now – I'm naked and your private parts are almost touching my private parts, okay?"

Schmidt mouths an inaudible "okay" and Nick is heading back to his bedroom.

He feels soft inside and outside and it's an unusual feeling and he doesn't hate it. There is a girl behind his bedroom door, who defies him, who knows how to get him naked, _really_ naked. And he is ready to show her his heart penis.

He is Nick Miller - Jessica Day's bitch. Yeah. He is. Not the other way around. She says "jump" and he is all "how high?" and she is all "no pants please". Yeah. YEAH. That is how they roll these days.


End file.
